One of the things I didn’t expect about becoming a single mum wasn’t the exhaustion.
It was how completely I disappeared.
Not physically.
But as a person.
Before Xavier, I surfed.
I travelled.
I chased adventure.
I spent hours in the ocean and never thought twice about taking time for myself.
Then slowly, without even noticing, every decision became about someone else.
What he needed.
What he wanted.
What would make his life better.
And while that sounds noble, there’s a shadow side to it.
If you’re not careful, you can become so focused on caring for someone else that you forget you’re a human being too.
A woman.
A surfer.
A person with needs beyond keeping everyone else afloat.
The first day I dropped Xavier at school, I felt something I wasn’t expecting.
Relief.
Not because I didn’t love him.
Not because I wanted to be away from him.
But because for the first time in years, there was space.
Space to think.
Space to breathe.
Space to hear my own thoughts again.
And almost immediately, guilt followed.
It makes you question everything. And this is what lead us down the path of full time traveling and why i left the 9-5 lifestyle.
This is the part that creates the guilt
It’s about this belief:
“If I choose something that supports me… I might be letting him down.”
And that’s a heavy place to sit.
Because as mums—especially solo mums—we’ve been wired to give everything.
Even when we’re running on empty.